


Silence

by HerrKirschbaum



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Romance, Angst and Tragedy, Chapter 80, Heavy Angst, Love, M/M, Sad, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-08
Updated: 2016-04-08
Packaged: 2018-06-01 00:21:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6493591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HerrKirschbaum/pseuds/HerrKirschbaum
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Basically a rewritten version of Levi's and Erwin's conversation in chapter 80.<br/>I wanted to reveal Levi's thoughts and feelings while talking to him.<br/>It's basically my way of dealing with this chapter from hell.</p><p>If you haven't read chapter 80 so far, read this first. Due to its nature, it's not spoiler free.<br/>Be aware.</p><p>If you want something to gain power from, this might suit you better:<br/>http://herrkirschbaum.tumblr.com/post/142450541542/me-i-cant-deal-with-chapter-80-what-now-brain</p>
            </blockquote>





	Silence

_The quotes I used for this oneshot can be found[here](http://fuku-shuu.tumblr.com/post/142398808847/shingeki-no-kyojinattack-on-titan-chapter-80). Thank you so much for translating this for us._

 

* * *

 

 

„But Levi... You can see, can't you? Our comrades – those who perished are watching us closely. They want to know what has come of their own sacrificed hearts. After all, this war has yet to end.”

The 13th commander of the Survey Corps lowered his head and fell silent. It was the moment when once more rocks hit the surrounding buildings, willed to take even their last bit of coverage. The screams of those who were originally under their patronage filled the air, dominated by mortal agony and furious panic.

Only those two seemed to remain calm in the face of death and that was strange enough. Maybe, after all these years, now, where there was no way out, a certain relief filled their hearts. In secret, they had expected their lives to end this way way too long.

And still...

A cold chill ran down his spine, as Levi closely watched the men to whom he had obligated every fibre of his very own body.

After all they had achieved together.

After all these risks they had faced together.

After the countless times where they had hardly gotten away with their own life.

Together.

After all this... Erwin Smith was only a human being, like himself, finding himself confronted with the pure fact that everything that had given his life meaning slipped from his hands. He, who had used to pull the strings, had lost control.

Over their mission.

Over their subordinates.

Over himself.

He was broken.

“Was all this... only part of a naïve fantasy in my head?”, Erwin asked silently. It was the voice of a man who couldn't bare it any longer.

The confrontation with almost certain death reveals the most different facets of a humans personality. Levi knew this quite too well.

In silent bitterness his steel grey eyes rested on his vis-á-vis. Erwin probably hadn't realized this, struggling with the guilt over his father's death he was bearing since childhood – but he wasn't the only one driven by own, selfish dreams. Who was only able to endure this because there was something he could cling to. Something that gave the needed strength to bear this task. To bear the fact they had survived so far while others had died in agony. It were their very own dreams which made them work as soldiers.

Levi thought of the brats who wanted to see the ocean so badly.

Erwin who wanted to prove his father's thoughts.

And even he himself was not free of that.

He had longed for another ending. He had longed for being with this man only a little longer. Weren't those who offered their hearts to humanity allowed to hope for a little happiness as well?

Now, where he kneeled in front of Erwin, he once more realized how much he was in love with him, in his own, very strange way. With this broken, old commander, who had lost his courage for the first time since they had met. Who now, where there was nothing left to lose, revealed his most secret desires towards him. To him. Levi.

Back then, Levi had laid his heart in that men's hands and he would give his life without hesitation if it meant that Erwin lived.

Compared to him, he was a mere shadow. Only Erwin's light had made him shine like diamonds. How could he ever forget about that? He owed him everything.

Now, where Erwin offered him nothing more but his aching soul, Levi couldn't help himself but love him even more, his heart about to burst.

“You've done well”, Levi whispered and hid his pain behind a mask of despaired resolution. “It’s only because of everything you did that we’re even at this point today…  
I... we have to make a choice now.”

Their eyes met and once more the ground started to shake underneath their feet. Once more the screams of their comrades filled the air. With every dull rumble humans died. Time ran through their fingers like sand and it was running out. Something needed to be done.

“Forget your dreams and go to hell – take the new recruits with you. I'll take care of the Beast Titan.”

Every word, every syllable, every breath of air equaled a dagger, stabbing the bond they had tied more than ten years ago. Back then, when Erwin was the one who had kneeled in front of him. Back then, as Levi, without knowing it, had met the men he wanted to share his last seconds with. If they had to die – he wanted to die next to him.

But sometimes... sometimes people wouldn't get what they wished for.

As it was a long treasured family secret.

A place one wanted to go.

Or a person one wanted to be with.

Life was cruel.

And no one was special.

One last time Levi searched for Erwin's gaze and ossified as he noticed the smile on the commander's lips. It was the smile of a man who had come to an end.

They had lost.

They had brought those who were entrusted to them in this hopeless situation – and would lead them knowingly into certain death.

And if they parted this time, it would most certainly be a farewell forever.

Levi knew that. He was sure that Erwin did as well.

And still, nobody said a thing.

For Erwin's sake Levi kept his mouth shut. He would be strong for him. He would give him what this man needed so much right now. A last favour for a fading lover.

Only his heart...

It shattered in silence.

 


End file.
